Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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