can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
