Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
