I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
