So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
