I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize