there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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