the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
