New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
