Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
