Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
