We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
