So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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