Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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