I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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