if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
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he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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