will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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