You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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