You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
