All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
