HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
