You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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