My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
