There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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