I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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