Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
