i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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