Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
