Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
