i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
