Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
