Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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