its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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