ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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