You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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