i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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