I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
