turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
