hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
