i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
