so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
