thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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