i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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