Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
