Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
