This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
