To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
