guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
