it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
