Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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