Don't you send me to vm
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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