I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
