Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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