I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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