that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
