as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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