"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
