Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
