You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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